All I Need

Last week was the deadline to sign my boys up for soccer in the Fall.  I had put a reminder in my planner so that I would make sure to sign them up and pay for the season.  I kept seeing it creep up closer and closer and started to get nervous as I watched the amount drop in our checking account.  There was no way we would be able to sign them up this season, the money just wasn't there.  I had even contemplated letting the account go negative just so that they would be able to play.  I was having nightmares, the "You are a horrible Mom because you can't even afford soccer for your kids," kind.  As Wednesday came and went I felt so sick.  I would think to myself, "this is horrible, how could I let this happen?"  I dreaded having to tell the boys that they weren't going to be able to play.

This scenario has happened more than once in our household.  With a family of five on one income there is a lot that we just can't add to the pocket book.  I honestly can't remember a time where we haven't struggled financially and it was really starting to get to me.  Why wasn't God letting me sign my kids up for soccer?  Why wasn't God letting us take a family vacation?  Why wasn't God letting us get new windows for the house so that our electric bill would just go down?  Every day my prayer was a cry  out to God basically saying, "It's not enough! YOUR not enough!

Contentment.  This is the word that was constantly being thrown into my brain.  I would hear it as I was washing dishes on only one side of the sink because we hadn't had the money to fix the other side and I sat there grumbling, "if only I could use the other side, dishes would go so much faster."  I would hear it as I watched my younger son riding a bike that is two times too small because I would sit on the porch thinking about spending money on a credit card so that he could at least ride a bike that fit.  I would hear it as sweat throughout my day because we ONLY have a window air conditioner.  All of these things, that's what they are, THINGS!  It's wanting and having and lusting over and desiring.  It's not being content with what God HAS given you, but constantly asking and WANTING more.  This word, contentment had been haunting me for days.  At first I didn't want to listen.  I wanted to have my pity party and whine and complain and pout.  It wasn't fair.  Other people had central air.  Other people can take vacations.  Other people can buy proper fitting riding equipment for their kids.  God didn't stop reminding me.  He kept finding ways to show me ways I could be content and after tugging and pulling, as I usually do when He tries to teach me things, I finally began to give in.

I looked up the word content in the dictionary.  Those of you who have read my blog in the past know how much I LOVE the meanings of words :)  The meaning for content is satisfied.  I definitely was not satisfied.  God then showed me a few verses:
     Proverbs 17:1 Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife.
     Proverbs 30:8 Keep falsehood and lies far from me;  give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me        only my daily bread.
     Ecclesiastes 3:13  That everyone might eat and drink and find satisfaction in all his toil-This is the gift of God.
There are many other verses but these were my favorite.  My house was definitely not peaceful and quiet when it came to the complaints on what I wanted.  My satisfaction level was way below zero.  These verses were actually telling me that contentment and satisfaction were a gift from God.  God had been trying to give me this gift and instead I was screaming and yelling and demanding what he wasn't giving to me.  I finally sat down, sat, not standing up and screaming and threw my hands up and said, "God, YOU are all I need.  YOU are the one that satisfies me.  YOU are the one that can give me peace and contentment in life.  Lord, I no longer want for THINGS but want YOU"

So my boys won't be playing soccer on a team in the fall but we will be basking in God's glory and running around in the beautiful green grass of our own backyard kicking a ball around with the people we love.  God has given us a gift if we are willing to take it.  He WILL give us all we need and if we focus on Him and be satisfied with the life and things He has given us than our lives will feel blessed.  YOU God are my everything!